One Month...

...believe me I won't stop at nothin' to see you, so I've started runnin'.
all that I'm after is a life full of laughter, as long as I'm laughin' with you.
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after, after the life we've been through...

...what about now?
what about today?
what if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
what if...
baby before its too late...

...if you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
I don't understand, if I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
I don't know life so far away, but I know that its just a trip, we'll make it through...
I hope I love you all my life...
'cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right...

Valentine's Day

This year I celebrated my first ever Valentine's Day. I know I'm posting this days late, but I feel the need to share a bit of it due to the fact that it is the only I've ever had.

Days in advance I started planning for what I wanted to be the greatest job I could possibly do. Decided I was going to make baby lots and lots of yummy things. I was going to make her a lovely breakfast and delicious dinner, and it was all going to be a surprise to her. I did both of these but not quite the way that I planned them, baby ended up helping me make everything and knew exactly what was to be made Monday by Sunday night...when she went shopping with me. I luckily have a pretty great boi because this went off without a hitch and baby even picked up making salad and dessert to help me out with getting everything done. This all seemed to me just a pain in the butt, but we realized Tuesday morning, I'm getting sick...which means you guessed it I gave baby sickness for Valentine's Day too.

I also got baby a last minute you have to have a actual presentable gift. I got her starburst...as I found out Sunday she loves them...and a card, it was sooo cute! I read the card I got her and I couldn't help but think this is totally our card!

Breakfast--heart shaped pancakes, strawberries, pineapples, and Sunny-D cocktail. Baby made the pancakes, she rocks....free handed hearts!

Dinner--sun dried tomato and cheese stuffed shells with Alfredo sauce, salad and Smirnoff Ice. Baby had the great idea of the drinks, and with grenadine to make it pink.

Dessert--Strawberry sorbet, warm fudge brownie and fresh strawberries.

Ok, so that's the stuff I did for baby, that I ended up getting lots of her help on...I'm feeling spoiled.

As for what baby did...she got me a Build-A-Bear...well really he's a dog. She under stuffed him so that he'd be extra cuddly...and I named him in my ever silly naming fashion. Our little boi is Cappie O'Ryaleigh...because baby is a Capricorn and works at O'Rielly's. We're going to go get him a collar and name tag today...she wanted to do these things on Valentine's Day but couldn't find anything that she liked. Also, as of Tuesday I have learned that the cutest thing about Cappie-O is the fact that baby put the "I Love You" heart in him.

For how short a time we've been together that frighten and excites me. I think it means good things that I'm excited at it...I mean really how can it not be good to be excited. As far as the fear, I don't attribute it to a I'm scared you can feel that, but that I wont be worthy of being loved. This fear of not being worth of other's love is something very common for me...but I'm I guess used to being the first to decide I love the other person so its easier to accept their love because I hope for love in return.

cliches...running through my head

There are these cliche little things that run through my head whenever someone new comes around, whenever a turning point in a relationship happens, whenever I start to doubt or feel too comfortable, they race through at unsurmountable speeds. Somehow I always think them and on regular occasion find myself realizing that I've waited too long to second check a realtionship on these points, or once its over I've been making excuses why its okay just this once, anything to not let go. I find myself again checking someone on this list of things. This time around I'm finding myself happily suprised by the results...but still sure that I need to be more careful than I am being...

take a look around and be sure before you make your decisions...
I try to look around but I'm noticing myself putting on the blinders

jump in feet first if you're going to take a leap at all...
I am definitely going feet first...but I feel my heart migraiting, so maybe I wont bump my head and wake up in six months terribly unhappy but my heart will still be broken if I do find myself losing this one

slow and steady if it's meant to be it'll stand the test of time...
It feels steady, but nothing about this is going slowly. This I find a bit suprising to realize since we talked about both of us wanting to take it slowly and we've still managed to ignore our own decisions, because it just feels right, which is always a good reason but still a detour from the plans.

make sure you're head says go before you let your heart decide...
There is definitely a level of my head being the major factor going right now, but there are just some statements and actions that can't be kept from causing a reaction in one's heart. Seriously she makes me feel warm and fuzzy sometimes and I like that feeling all too well.

absense makes the heart grow fonder...
Boo...seriously I don't want absense...I know its good to have personal time and alla that but I don't like the waiting between seeing one another, there's something so comfortable about being together that I can't seem to not want to be there whenever it is possible!

don't make someone a priority, who makes you only an option...
Now this I've got the lock on, there is no way I will let myself take this trap again. Infact this is the reason we've even started talking, I walked away from the last person who made me feel this way and happened upon this new and amazing person. I've officially deemed her my upgrade. lol

we're writting a story...weave me a web baby

There were once a pair of lovers, two lovely bois, trapped in an apartment that one had just moved into. All the areas of the apartment so new and shiny looking as neither had really become accustom to it yet, still filled with that smell of cleanness. All the furniture, not yet truly used. They found themselves trapped here due to a snow storm raging just on the other side of the windows.

As they stay trapped inside this apartment together they watch as the flurries flash by and live by the light of candles in the night. The apartment so cold that they spend most of their time curled up in bed under many covers. One pointing out that her father had once said you stay warmer if you remove the barriers between yourself and the warmth of the covers, so they choose sleeping together naked and sharing body heat. They pass away their time trapped here talking about just about anything, everything and nothing quite honestly. They find themselves fading in and out of sleep together quite harmoniously. One waking up slowly to the others breaking deeply and slowly, softly running finger tips lightly over skin. The other beginning to wake as the pressure of her lovers body grows against her back. The first's hips begin to rock and the second falls into sink, they rock they're hips together. The first moves her hand over her lover's hip holding them together and keeping the slow calm rhythm.

Once the rhythm of their bodies is set the first begins to run her hand along the other's side, tracing patterns down it. Gently bringing her lover to wakefulness, waiting for that single movement or sound that will illustrate she has roused her fully. That response that means I am completely awake and entirely craving you. This sign comes and the first wraps her arms around the other, one under the pillow and the other over top around the chest pulling her lover in close. Slowly kissing along the neck, increasing intensity moving to bite along the neck and shoulder. Then nuzzling into the neck as she begins to slide a hand down the lovers body along the leg. Now, running that hand inward, slowing brushing finger tips over her lover and feeling a slight wetness as she teases her lover, and the feeling of inhaling deeply says more than words, this is working.

The other laying in this place of barely wakefulness as the nuzzling begins, feels breaths gently grazing over her neck and shoulders and begins to push back against her lover. She feels her lovers hand sliding along her leg and begins to pray that it will move in further, and it does. The thought crosses her mind, oh god she must be able to read my mind. Eyes roll back slightly as her lover's hand grazes over her hip and continues downward. She begins to feel her body begging as she is teased by her lover's hand, inhaling deeply to maintanin any control.  Feeling the moans stiffled in her throat becoming harder and harder to hold in.

The first backs away slowly, slightly tugging on her lover until she turn to face her. Softly kisses her lover, with one arm still under her head and the other lazily play with the hair on back of her neck. Moving the hand away to begin slowly working its way back down her lover's body. Beginning to kiss deeper and slides hand between her legs, lifting one and laying it acroos hers. Sliding the hand back along the lovers inner thigh and running a finger tip lightly along the clit. Kissing deeper yet as they slide the finger into their lover.

The second, feels her lovers body move away and a hand pulling against her hip ever so gently, rolls into the pull.  Wrapping her arm around her lover as thier lips meet in the first kiss. Running fingers along the small of her lovers back as the hair at the nape of her neck is played with. Cooing gently between kisses at the sparks felt through each touching down of finger tips. Feeling the intensity of kisses grow and her lovers hand begin to move, pulling her hand up to graps onto her lover's face and intensify their kisses further. Feeling her lovers hand run along her leg and every feeling receptor stand on end, giving in to her lovers moving her body to take it. Letting her leg be moved over her lovers and shivering slightly as her lover's hand moves long her inner thigh. Moaning gently into her lovers kiss as they slide their finger tip over her clit. Gasping for air and pulling away from their kiss slightly as she feels her lovers fingers slide into her. Quickly shoving their lips back together and rocking into her lovers hand. Pulling her lovers hips in closer and opening herself up further to her lover.

I can't figure out how to even begin to talk about this, this is something entirely new to my world, I don't think I have the words in my vocabulary. I have a pretty great vocabulary, in the arena of discussing relationships I almost never have a lose for words . When it comes to figuring out how to express how I feel, how others feel, the ins and outs of how or why I've pretty much got no shortcomings what-so-ever. I may take issue to expressing my feelings, espeically when they feel bigger than life, directly to the face of the one they're towards but I've still always got the words to process out somewhere. In this case I find myself using cliches and idiocycratic catch phrases. I have never felt so entirely goofy happy or stupid for someone or purely me with someone, especially not this quickly. We talk about the most awkward of topics but they just kinda roll of our tongues as if we're talking about the weather.

Love Like...

I want a love like Johnny and June,
hell no boo,
I want a love like me and you!
Gosh that sounds so cliche...but its so damn true.
I don't want the hurt or pain they put each other through.
I want something purer to be what we do.

I want a love like Romeo and Juliet,
hell no pet,
I don't want pain for who I've choosen you to beget.
I want the love they put in songs and lovers but on a mixed cassette.
If you want the drama of thier love affair me you should forget,
I want someone who's matching me in that aspect.

If I Could Just Kiss the Girl I Am Pretty Sure I Would Like It!!!

I don't even know where to begin...
I've been seeing someone for about two weeks now, we've had one official date but we've also seen each other nearly every day. On our first date she was super nervous about hugging me when it was over, she divulged this through a text message once I had gotten home. I went and got as best a hug as was appropriate from her at work the next day.
Since then when we see each other its usually lunch before I give her a ride to work, and when she gets out of the car she always initiates a hug. We have done more than the quick meal once, which was an entire day spent together, or damn near to. We went to a movie with my cousin whom I teenagersit, then slept in our respective homes until we went to breakfast the next morning and then hung out at the mall followed by a trip to Ann Arbor, nothing super significant happened but there was a sense of really seeing into each other's world simply by the amount of time spent together.
So the moral of all of this story is I really really like her and I don't know how to, I guess you could call it, take the next step. I've had a desire on some level to kiss her since the first picture message she sent me roughly a month ago, sometimes you just look at a person and wonder what it would be like. Now a month, a date and two weeks of hanging out I still want to, and everyone I am close to who has heard this story already is giving me shit about not just doing it. IT IS SOOO NOT JUST THAT EASY!!!!! I am terrified that the reason there has not been a second official date is that we're in friends zone, that she'll freak out and not be able to be my friend if I do try to kiss her, and I'll be totally freaked out if I get rejected(I'm pretty phobic!).
So I have been googling all morning trying to figure out how one makes themself exude the kiss me vibes and how one goes for a first kiss, I'll go with gracefully. The search has come up with some pretty funny finds but not so much useful stuff, mostly because its all stuff I feel like I'm already doing or it just sounds way simpler in their words than it would be in real time.

Here is where I say anyone reading this advice please!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

the gem of my searching lol

left to my own devices i'm addicted its a crisis!

These lyrics seem to sum up what's going on right about now...

Caught me by surprise.
All I did was to sit right down,
Stare into your eyes.

Just a fool for you baby.
And I'll be your fool tonight.

Well I've been down this crazy road,
But not like this before.
Had the blues when I heard the news,
But I'm not worried no more.
-38 Special

...inexperienced at giving up...

That I am,
but dealing with women...
now that can be a way to teach me,
and pretty damn quick!

I don't know how to deal,
with this whirling,
swirling,
too damn much,
craziness!

I am so close...
to saying I quit,
and meaning it,
maybe its not a bad plan.

I dunno just not ok,
not ok with questioning,
I wonder if I'm saying,
I wonder if I'm doing,
I wonder if I'm acting,
the wrong way,
constantly!

Lyrical, Prose Forced to Poetics...Beat! No, there lacks a rhythm...

Music,
a beating,
a pulsing,
a commonality.

Commonality,
a thing in both,
a foundation in both,
a string to tie together.

One day,
taken in stride,
just a breakfast,
then a mall walk,
then a trip,
A2 comith we.

One trip,
the traffic,
the snow,
the stops...
U of M,
Chipolte,
Panera,
Chipolte again,
back to the traffic,
back to the snow,
back home.

Traffic,
Snow,
Annoying!

U of M,
free money.

Chipolte,
community found.

Panera,
free food,
cheap food,
venturing back.

Chipolte,
a gift cherished.

Traffic,
Snow,
Annoying!

Home,
long enough,
only to shower.

The terror trip,
the first adventure back,
seeing the old place,
yes I went back to P707,
yes I remember our number,
I was 263 got that one too.

Soup getting achieved,
just a quick delivery,
soup delivery,
enjoy!

The thankfulness,
you're amazing,
you're the bomb,
thank you.

Your soup,
deemed worth it,
worth the terror.

Adventure off to home,
I'm staying this time!

Night well slept,
but a fear upon waking,
missing father,
he eventually checked in,
two hours later,
early morning,
not appreciated!

Now the ponderence,
a poeticesk beginning,
discussion of music,
discussion of commonality,
where did that stream go,
nowhere is the truth!

I've told much,
yet withheld just as much,
I've shared things,
words,
poetically,
lyrically,
beat fashion perhaps,
I've told nothing of substance,
what happened,
had less to do with this,
more to do with that,
yet I've given the insight of our day,
who'd've though you can give it all,
and nothing this way?!

Hang on this cliff,
the one I've left,
but don't expect me to come back,
as much as I've told I've said,
I will hold the truth of its importance,
in my depth...
fortress of secrets,
hidden where only the brave dare to go,
none come back the same,
and our secrets will be kept,
for it is only the makers,
who see what the memories have left.

(musicallities posted seperately)

The Musicallities

Such a musical day,
I want to remember every song,
but alas I don't,
so very many songs we shared.

We shared so much music,
yet the radio was so little of it,
we shared lyrics of our day,
some so random based on radio,
some so random based on topics,
something so random based on nothing.

This touch of music between us,
commonality,
drawing us in,
pushing us past comfort,
strange and new,
how'd it happen,
it's a miracle,
after all that's your name,
right.

Trying to piece it together,
tear it apart,
enough to figure out the song's name,
enough to understand why it came up,
enough to explain where it came from,
enough to explain why it is important.

What if I told you it was all meant to be,
would you believe me,
would you agree?

Everything changes but beauty remains,
something so tender I can't explain.
-Kelly Clarkson "A Moment Like This"

How can it not be,
meeting someone who,
makes you feel free to be,
who makes you feel appreciated,
who smirks and thinks others crazy,
at the though of you're the first...
person to treat me well, really.

So everything has changed,
the understanding that it's deserve,
the understanding that you are different,
the understand that this is what I want,
despite what it may be,
feeling treated well,
like a person with you.
You say you're here to make others smile,
mission successful!

The song that drug us in,
into our game of lyrical determination,
what is that song,
how does it go again,
and we started to piece it together,
first lyric of the song we got,
not in order though,

When you're on the phone
Hang up and you call right back
U got, u got it bad
If you miss a day without your friend
Your whole life's off track
You know you got it bad when you're stuck in the house
You don't wanna have fun
It's all you think about

the original lyric that stared it all from me,
U got it bad when you're out with someone
But you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else
U got it bad

and then the chime in of you,
When you say that you love 'em
And you really know
Everything that used to matter, don't matter no more
Like my money, all my cars
Flowers, cards and candy
Said I'm fortunate to have you girl
I want you to know
I really adore you

and once it started it never stopped...
All my people who know what's going on
Look at your mate, help me sing my song
Tell her I'm your man, you're my girl
I'm gonna tell it to the whole wide world
Ladies say I'm your girl, you're my man
Promise to love you the best I can,
-Usher "U Got It Bad"

we decided it was only appropriate then to YouTube it,
listened to the whole thing through!

Looking out the windows at that snow and traffic,
came the lyrics of the day's descriptions,
a song new to me but appropriate,
Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day in my life,
Such a lonely day
And it's mine
It's a day that I am glad I survived. 
-System of a Down "Loneliest Day of My Life"
the song went on,
but this was what we really took to!

Random favorites,
I'd forgotten about,
still hitting your register,
brought back to me,
I’m on the outside
I’m looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
Cause inside you’re ugly
You’re Ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you
-Staind "Outside"
The lyrics I recalled,
the lyrics that we screamed.

It was among the few,
the few that we listened to,
that happened upon us,
from the radio speakers,
"Just the Way You Are"-Bruno Mars,
hit a sync,
without meaning to,
I signed it,
you noticed,
interestingly fun time,
a single interesting interaction,
who'd've guessed,
no one ever notices that.

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile,
The whole world stops and stares for awhile,
cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

A grand turning point,
where our sing along,
became don't forget the lyrics,
and the musical of our day,
took root.

I was thinkin' about her, thinkin' bout me!
Thinkin' 'bout us, what we gonna be.
Open my eyes, it was only just a dream.
So, I travel back, down the road.
When she'll come back? No one knows.
I realized that it was only just a dream.
-Usher? Nelly? "Just a Dream"

Last to be mentioned,
second to be heard,
only to not really matter,
the beat was great,
made us start our Usher debate,
fin.

cruelty

My head and heart are so cruel to me! Well not really my heart, more my stomache, I mean maybe my heart has some play in it. I dunno, whatever organs of mine are in on the scheme matters not because its happening despite which ones they are.

I spend two or three days being irritable about how to move forward, why am I initiating conversation all the time, why did I go a whole day with not response, why do I randomly not get responses when I feel like they should have come already. Feeling like I said something stupid and freaking out that I might be done talking forever, going nuts over every little thing.

Today, I pick the lets see if you contact me game, you do, I even get you to come out and do stuff with me and D. Ok so now you want me to go do something entirely foolish and instead of feeling the need to play the hard to get card some more like hte you contact me game was intended, I'm actually planning to do it.

Why I am letting one person throw me through a gammet of reactions within several days, even hours, I don't get it. Grrrrrrrrrr I hope this doesn't bite me in the ass, I've had enough of that for a bit!

...hold tight...

yes i do…
i want you to hold me,
is it wrong to want you to?
you asked me if i did the other night,
i responded with a sidelong look.
maybe you didn’t understand what it meant,
my look meant dear god please do.
i don’t think you got that.
guess if there is a next time you ask,
my answer will have to be please do.
just be more forward about wants/needs…
then you’ll be less shy or nervous,
then you’ll wrap your arm around me,
then you’ll feel comfortable hugging me,
then maybe you’ll more than hug me,
then you’ll sit closer during our movies,
then you wont bite your nails,
then you’ll get its not a mistake,
you’ll understand I’m touching you purposefully.
i hope you ask me again,
i really truly do.

by the light of a neon moon

You approach and whisper sweet nothings in her ear
and all she hears is your gentle breath as she clings to every word
all she feels is your lips gently, swiftly moving,
her heart beating slower and faster all at the same time
and then, then she realizes that this feeling
this feeling she would love to feel again and again.
That tingle traveling down her spine,
paralyzing yet invigorating
without a doubt everything her dreams ever had in store
everything she ever dreamed for and more.
In these moments is when she comes to realize
she wants every little bit you have to give
and knows its her's to have if only she were to ask
your ability to do this she adores
as she's told you time and again.

saturday...

If I had to describe a perfect Saturday...


Waking up to the pitter-patter of little feet running, getting closer and closer with every second. Rolling over and kissing you good morning, feeling that exhilarating feeling it alone can give. Both propping ourselves up in the bed, waiting for this visitor we're going to be getting. Nuzzled up near the head of the bed just awaiting the gorgeous little face we’ll see at any moment now. Hear the doorknob start turning and see that little face peek around the door. Without a moment of hesitations watch our little one come running and jumping up into the bed, scamper quickly up between us as we wrap them in our love. Lean back just the three of us, turn on music or cartoons and lay in bed talking about everything and nothing because we’re happy where we are.
Start to hear our tummies grumble and plot what breakfast should be. Head into the kitchen laughing and talking ready to cook. Put that gorgeous little one in a seat at the island to watch and still be close, while we pull out all the fixin's and start to cook. Waffles with fruit topping and whip cream, eggs with hot dogs and cheese in them, all the yummiest things we could think of all for the three of us. All the while we’re cooking being playful and just smiling and laughing, making silly faces and placing gentle kisses in passing.
Nothing but smiles and happiness, just one perfect day out of the week. Lie around and watch movies, play games, color in coloring books. Go to the park and swing on the swings, slide down the big slide, run across the bridges and crawl through the tunnels. Get ice cream on the way home or go home and make banana splits. Have comfort foods for lunch and/or dinner, like grilled cheese and tomato soup, or hearty stew. Or give in and make whatever it is our little one wants for dinner.
Curl up on the couch or in a pile of blankets on the floor and cuddle our little one to sleep. Carry them to their bedroom and tuck them into bed, placing gentle kisses on their forehead. Stand there in the doorway looking at this child of ours, once so tiny getting bigger with every passing day, this life we are responsible for, this child we adore. Stand there holding onto one another for what will never be long enough for as soon as we leave they will begin to change and grow, as soon as we blink once our child is a second older and closer to being all grown up. Walking off down the hall holding hands as we put the last few things left out of place into order and then take ourselves to bed.
Slip into our room and without words begin to undress each other. Watch closely all that is uncovered; memorize the shape and feel of each others body, the touch the other leaves on our own skin. Kiss deeply one another, in an effort to show just how much love we give the other. Just stand there holding each other close and placing gentle kisses on occasion. Finally pulling away from one another as one of us leads the way to the shower. Turn on the water and let it begin to warm the entire room as we stand there holding each other not wanting to let go. Slip into the shower and feel the warmth come over our bodies as we both fall under the streams of water. Gently run our fingers through each others hair and lean close for yet another breathtaking kiss. With only gentle whispers when necessary bath one another with care. Give kisses and run fingers and hands over each other’s body. Hold the other close and let them feel your love flowing out of every pore. Turn off the water and dry ourselves and each other off. Go back into our room and slip into bed, cuddle close and go to sleep. The last thing remembered before going to sleep is the sound of the other whispering I love you.

bitter-sweet...

She falls asleep,
to the bitter-sweet,
rhythmic melodies,
inside her head,
of hopes and dreams.
Yet she fears,
because she fell inlove with you,
but she is unsure,
"did you ever fall inlove with me?"
Though you said it and still do,
she still wonders,
tries not to regret,
and disbelieves,
the simple things,
she hopes you meant,
and still mean.
The things you said,
echoing,
inside her head,
as she dreams,
in disbelief.

She falls asleep,
into a slumber so sweet,
in disbelieve,
of the sweet things,
you said,
still echoing,
inside her head,
breaking her heart,
and,
soon she'll have to be,
making up her mind,
in you does she see,
what she needed to find?

into the soul

Why I began to fall is not clear,
but I long to find myself in the depths of your soul,
by looking deep into your eyes,
find a crack in the corners of your smile...
to sneak in through.

If only I could learn everything by watching you sleep,
in those tiny moments inbetween,
inbetween everything,
everything you say and do,
everything everyone sees of you,
Your gestures give it all way,
yet they still keep your secrets...
some how persuading me,
to leave my line of questioning.

Everyone notices something,
but I notice everything...
you stand differently,
you walk differently,
you speak differently,
but only with me.

Others listen to your words passively,
I lust after them and long to hear all that you think.

Some how I only need from you is nothing and everything,
at the same time.
I want everything you are and can be,
I want nothing you are not or cannot be...
All I want is you and some how that is more than enough for me.

apparently I've been writing these for ages...

Looking out for this:
midnight car rides to absolutely nowhere with someone who
understands the entire point of the game is just to play it
kisses that scramble your brain processes and numb your body
but to the tingles and sparks they create in you

that person who helps you understand the statement
"Time Flies When You're Having Fun"
that touch that stops everything, not long enough
to be noticed by anyone else but the two of you,
but lets you know that there is something absolutely perfect
 and magical there

that voice that can make you forget your fears and
help you to dry your tears

that look that both calms and excites you,
 even when its just for a split second across a crowded room

that one who sees past all of the fronts

the one who in perfect silence you can express so much more
than can be said with anyone else in words

the one who makes you say, "so we do all that shit I've always
made fun of others for, but I don't even care that they're making
fun of us for it now"

that one whom as you scamper off to curl up in your corner
with the things you use to bring yourself warmth and comfort,
a part of all you use to woo yourself to sleep is thoughts of them

global emoticon

and there I am momentarily gone again
lost in the light hiding for me in your eyes
the sweet subtlety in your touch
feel my heart rush
lost in sweet elegance of your voice
what you say matters not
but I push myself to stay listening
to be here on the surface with you
I fight against my own will
I want to be lost in you
irrational over you
feel as never before because of you
you used to let me
welcome me into the nothing that for me was everything
I'm lost as how to proceed from here
do I find faults to run fast quickl
do I drop roots give all of me into this thing
I'm desperately trying to figure out where's the me
should I want any of anything you offer to me
is it wrong to want so whole heartedly
what you've never dreamed was your's to have half heartedly
I dream but how can this be
life beyond the fantasy
what do I owe thee
what do you expect of me
how is it that I cannot wake of this dream
oh please if there is but a higher being
let this fall at my feet shattered glass
the looking glass of my dreams
or make it not fragile enough to ever be such a thing
I feel myself drawn so wholly into it
will sooner now surrender everything
everything I cannot stand to lose
so this must be broken now
or eternal
no room for the in-between
so now I wonder
goddess
angel
what do you think
can you give this to me
you promised never to hurt me
so don't
give me my longed for eternity
please beautiful girl
learn nothing but to love me
do nothing but love me
be you the woman who will always love me
or be gone as harsh as it may be

...emotions...

I am fragile,
dare not touch me,
fear me and the damage,
you alone are capable of.

I am fragile,
dare not touch me,
I will likely crumple,
I but a frailty in your hands.

I am fragile,
dare not touch me,
I like dried out flowers,
disintegrating at your touch.

I am fragile,
dare not touch me,
my heart is shattered,
damage you have already done.