the great divide

I so rarely go here that I had forgotten how much it bothers me, irritates me, hurts me and leaves me feeling torn in half...I'd really completely forgotten how it makes me feel all together.

I've been in a baseline, moderate, whole place for several months now and this feeling of the great divide ripping me in two seems to hurt extra, tearing at a wound that had healed up so much better this time around, the tear is almost fresh...


dearest mania,
I love you,
how couldn't I?!

marvelous depression,
I love you,
you cradle me sweetly,
we hide together so well!

on nights like these,
when you've both evaded me,
been gone out of my daily for so long,
I don't know who to pick.

nails on the canvas,
sounds so much more beautiful than it feels,
or maybe I liked the way it feels...
I can't recall but I remember crying the last time I thought about it,
maybe it hurts or maybe I just don't like that any more...
oh darling depression I forget so much of you,
I apologize but we know it was safe and wise,
we weren't meant to be together forever,
it was always a losing race.

car into a brick wall,
well that'd sure make it hard to get anywhere else,
but maybe I wouldn't need to go anywhere else any how,
maybe barbie and I could just take our final ride...
maybe just speed around town with the windows down,
its even warm enough to not freeze to death,
not sure if that's good or bad yet...
I image its just a detail.
ah the loveliness of a midnight drive to nowhere,
the speeding on empty streets,
the peace that comes,
if I could only control the crazy right now it might be great...
I know we're hanging out,
hanging tight so tight,
strangle you if you try to get away tight,
right now mania...
I know you'll win and get me into trouble...
I'm not sure of the rules of this game,
the places where its safe to be unsafe,
I know it'd end badly...
without knowledge of the safe havens tonight.

there are so many enemies to the baseline,
two of them the things that rip  me in two,
both enemies,
both out to get the baseline...
who'll likely be back tomorrow,
into a place they don't want to be...
maybe they'll be scars,
maybe they'll be legal repercussions,
maybe they'll be someone laying next to us in bed,
all the maybes that depression and mania could lead baseline to...
why must such wicked enemies hide behind these green hues?!

I know I said I love you,
I do...
but when we last departed
I was happy to have seen the last of yous.